Just a counter

Relapsed.
Day 0.
Time to start all over again, right?

Wrong.

The truth is progress has been made. Day 0 literally means a counter goes back to 0. That’s all it is, a counter.

I try to seek other people dealing with this addiction and connect with them. For some, if they relapse and go back to day 0, they feel like they failed and they have to start right back to the very beginning, which is completely wrong. They have emotionally invested too much into a counter. I haven’t failed if I went 3 days in a row without watching explicit content, but on the 4th day I did. It’s an achievement.

Counting consecutive days should solely be used for motivation purposes but shouldn’t be considered anymore important. Those days I went without explicit content, that are not part of the current streak, are past victories. Positive data that should encourage one to keep going and striving for more. I once went 22 consecutive days one year ago. I use that as encouragement. 22 days! Could I possibly go a whole month? It means it is possible that I could do it again. But going on a winning streak shouldn’t be the end goal.

So if it isn’t consecutive days, what is real progress? If the start is realising I have a serious issue and the end is overcoming the issue, what is in-between?

The answer is the present day. Right now. To even go on a winning streak means dealing with each and every day with care. I know this and still fail, it is hard. The real progress are the things I am learning about myself and the changes I have to make.

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