Tuesday, 29 November 2016

The Predator and the Prey


Patient and Comforting.

It waits for the lonely and discontent to reach a vulnerable state.
That’s when it creeps into the mind, often unnoticed.
It makes the prey believe they came up with the idea themselves.
Relax and relieve the stresses of reality with “natural” self-pleasure.
Everyone needs a bit of self-loving, right?

Fantasies play out, sometimes relating to the prey’s situation.
That hot teacher in class?
Best friend’s attractive partner?
Cute work colleague?
Constructed in a scene ready and waiting for the prey.

Little that the prey knows, it is altering them the more frequent they watch.
The more they consume, the mind starts to adapt to this new practice.
The natural pursuit for love altered for a more artificial favour.

It is then the predator has captured it’s prey.


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Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Is it an Addiction?


The short answer:

The problem is the need for entertainment. A solution is going to a bar. A substance to mentally enhance the bar experience is drugs.

The problem is the need for intimacy. A solution is masturbation. A substance to mentally enhance masturbation is porn.



The long answer:

The problem is the need for intimacy. We are humans. We desire intimacy. It’s all part of reproducing and continuing the human race. This is natural.

However what happens when you’re sexually turned on and wanting intimacy but no one is available?

A solution is masturbation. Is it natural? No, what is natural is finding a mate and having sex, but it is a short-term solution to a problem. Just like most things, too much of it can cause a negative effect. Can we enhance the pleasure of masturbation?

Someone thought the idea of viewing explicit content answered that question. A major flaw with this idea is that just like other mental altering substances, it can be addictive. It can replace the natural desire of having sex with another person. It can also cause other issues like erectile dysfunction.

Not many people know this until it is too late. I was one of them and here I am documenting the struggle of overcoming it…


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Tuesday, 15 November 2016



My parents knew I was watching explicit material as a teenager and even in my 20s.
However they never said anything about it being addictive.

They have found me watching numerous times and didn’t bring up anything in regards to it being an addiction. In fact I cannot remember a time my parents came to me speak about sex. It was I who went to my parents to speak about it and they were very honest. I believe my parents have no idea this addiction exist, let alone that their son is affected by it. At school, sex education was informational but never spoke about sexual material online. This is all understandable because the internet was still relatively new. Maybe parents and schools didn’t know how to bring it up? Do they bring it up now?

Parents don’t have to know if their children have a problem, unless their son/daughter has chosen them as a person to tell. I believe a teenager should be aware of how it can affect a person’s brain and character and not be forced to tell their parents. Parents should help their children become aware of the risks at a young age, but before that, they need to be aware that it can be addictive. I was affected by age 12.

Waiting until they’re teenagers is too late.


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Tuesday, 8 November 2016



Drinking alcohol is one reason why weekends are hard for me.

It gives me terrible hangovers. I’m talking about spending the entire day in bed. My bed is the major hotspot for urges so being trapped in bed with a terrible hangover makes it increasingly difficult to overcome urges. Being hungover means mentally I am crippled and in no proper state to leave my bed. I cannot use my head effectively, which then causes me to cancel all my plans that day and most likely relapse. Then I become depressed.

Funny how things are connected.

To deal with weekends, I would have to change the way I enjoy social activities. Some of my “friendships” are built around drinking alcohol. I’ve met a lot of people drinking alcohol. This could mean changing the people I surround myself with. That can prove difficult on its own.

What I thought was just getting over an addiction could possibly result in a complete social life change for me. A positive one at that.

What and who are you willing to sacrifice to overcome your inner demons?


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Tuesday, 1 November 2016



There was one person I wanted to tell.

It was a friend I grew close to that was always complaining I don’t open up to her. Well, about my problem would probably be a shock to her. No one knew I had an addiction. Friends, family, no one.

She would be the first.

I contemplated telling her. I didn’t know when to do it. I decided to wait until I had a lengthy winning run going to give me that bit of confidence. Plus, I didn’t want her to ask me when was the last time I relapsed and the answer to be ‘this morning’. How would she react? Would she tell anyone before I release this writing to the internet? I suppose there was only one way to find out.

We arranged lunch. Surprisingly I was nervous, very nervous. I had sweaty hands and could not stay still. It was as if I was about to propose to her and didn’t know weather the answer was going to be yes or not.

I told her.

Her initial reaction was one of surprise and she had so many questions. It was as she was trying to piece my past together and understand how something like this could happen. It started making sense to her because she was so confused. Confused as to why I didn’t want to have sex, confused why I would say stuff and how I acted. She too thought maybe it was her fault, but once telling her everything, she was happy I shared it with her and hope I get through it.

I felt vulnerable, I wasn’t the only one that know my secret. It is now out there in the open. I’ve got someone that could hold me accountable.



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