Tuesday, 27 March 2018

The Coolidge Effect

‘Without the Coolidge Effect there would be no Internet porn.” – YourBrainOnPorn’s article

The reason why getting rid of videos was so easy was because I was still viewing multiple women through images and GIFs. Continuing from the ‘Baby Steps’ blog post, I decided to take experimentation further.

‘Coolidge Effect’ Experiment: Choose and stick to ONE woman. (view only images and GIFs from one website)

The objective was to isolate the routine by overcoming the Coolidge Effect. In detail, choose one woman. Whenever an urge occurs, I was only going to view explicit images and GIFs from that one woman. It doesn’t matter who else was in the image, the choice of woman had to be somewhere in it.

The first time I tried this, it took a long time to get to the reward and a lot of imagination, but eventually I got there. As time went on, it became harder and harder. I wanted to view other women. I started to question if I chose the wrong woman. Maybe this woman just doesn’t have enough content. The more I performed the routine, the longer it took to get the reward. There were times I had an urge but I couldn’t be bothered to act upon it because I did not want to see her. This was surprising. I couldn’t be bothered to relapse. It got to the point that I couldn’t get the reward looking at her.

Inevitably I failed and continued looking at other women. But was it really a failure? The experience taught me the Coolidge Effect was 100% real. It taught me that the routine needs a variety of women in different scenarios, the type of media did not matter. It also taught me I was mentally cheating if I had a wife/girlfriend. I’m mentally giving my sexual desire to someone else.

How to overcome the Coolidge Effect? That is a question relationships around the world would love the answer to. I already checked the internet for the answer. Perhaps using the Coolidge Effect against itself could help for my own situation. If the routine requires a variety of women in different scenarios, couldn’t I just use past sexual experiences as a way to get to the reward? This gets rid of all forms of media and depends on imagination. The flaw with this is that there is only a limited supply of experiences. To put it bluntly, I haven’t slept with enough women to depend on imagination in the long-term, given that I have urges every morning and evening. Another is imagining sexual experiences, possibly women I haven’t slept with and would like to, just like the first time I ever masturbated. Although using past or fantasy sexual experiences is a viable strategy, it should be used as an emergency because it is short-term. Quitting this routine demands a long-term solution.

So the urge arrives, what happens?

Something WILL happen. The challenge is to make sure it isn’t the old routine.

So what I do is just watch and see what is happening.

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Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Baby Steps

The cold turkey approach, all willpower and nothing but willpower, does not work. I’ve tried for six years. Moderation also doesn’t work. When the time comes to watch, I do and it’s ok. However when the time to not watch comes and I do, it is depressing. These two approaches fight the urge of watching explicit material, yet keeps the same routine. Instead of fighting the urges, why not fight the routine?

‘Less Immersion’ Experiment: Stop watching videos, only view images and GIFs.

The objective is to make the whole experience less immersive so that urges are easier to deal with.

The theory behind this was that it doesn’t matter what form of media it is, content is content. The Coolidge Effect is still intact . There was one point in history, before the internet and videotapes, people only had magazines to view explicit content. Video is more immersive than images and GIFs because sound and motion is introduced. Videos make fantasies appear more life-like than images. Eliminating videos would mean getting rid of sound and motion. GIFs are motion too, but they are short loops without sound. I tried to get rid of GIFs too but I haven’t found a way yet to separate them from images.

The result of this experiment has been a complete surprise to me. The goal was to go a week without viewing videos and see what happens, but instead I have never looked back. I have completely stopped viewing videos. This was too easy. That moment was possibly the first time I relapsed and laughed instead of feeling negative about myself. It took longer to ejaculate, which was expected. A surprise was that my imagination started coming back. Although I was looking at images and GIFs, I was imagining sexual experiences with real women. It would seem the less immersive the content, the more imagination increases. I simply cannot get to the reward without imagination.

This has positively affected my urges. I don’t remember the ‘sounds’ of past videos nor remember them in motion. I don’t remember what any actor/actress sounds like. I don’t remember female groans, voices or any other audio of a scene. Urges are now still mental visuals, which makes them easier to deal with.

If you can’t stop watching altogether, I highly recommend to stop watching videos first. If you use VR, get rid of it.

I didn’t stop there. I wanted to isolate the routine by only using one website to view images and GIFs. The internet is too big. Unfortunately this didn’t affect both urges or routine positively or negatively.

I don’t watch videos anymore. It’s a small step forward but it is progress.

The ‘Ultimate’ goal is to stop watching all forms of media.

To do that means altering the routine even further.

 

 

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Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Sex

Thankfully while being addicted most of my life, I haven’t lost the natural urge to have sex with real women. Getting it up is a struggle, but once it is I can gain pleasure having sex. Ejaculation is of course non-existent, however I do feel pleasure. The problem with not ejaculating during sex is the sense that the ‘big ending’ has not been reached. This often confuses sexual partners. It feels a lot like edging but far worst. Masturbating, reaching the climax but preventing ejaculation is edging. Sex however, is having intercourse but never coming close to climax, let alone ejaculation. So after sex, the urge to have an orgasm is far stronger because I feel as if I have to finish what I started with my sexual partner. Sex became a routine which starts with a real woman and ends with a virtual one.

On the journey, abstaining from sex would be ideal. The immense urge it causes makes relapse only a matter of time. It’s far more worse than ‘edging’. It also affects others as they question what is going on. The natural urges of wanting sexual intercourse will be there. I am probably lucky to even have that natural urge with my years of indulging in virtual women, but sex doesn’t help the cause to an addiction-free life.

Masturbation is an alternative. This might be a rare occasion where masturbation is a good thing and sex is a bad thing. To masturbate and not use visual aid can help overcome the addiction and satisfy natural urges. The problem with masturbation is being in the perfect position to relapse. This is only one of many alternatives and I will explore others. Masturbation is just the closest to the reward that ends the vicious cycle but not something to depend on.

But now the question is, when would be a good time to return to having sex? I suppose when I have abstained from explicit material for a lengthy period. Possibly 90 days, a time frame inspired by the NoFap community. Sex is hindering the progress and affecting others. The goal would be to return to sex with a healthy mind and to be able to ejaculate like any normal man.

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Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Identifying the Reward

I asked a friend why she smokes. It was my way of using others understanding of themselves to maybe help me understand myself. She had no clue as to why she smokes. So I decided to try and identify why I do what I do starting with what ejaculation does for me. Since that is the thing that completes the cycle.

Urges causes stress, ejaculation makes the urge go away, basically releasing the stress. So the reward would be to get rid of the urge the best way my brain thinks is possible, watching explicit material and ejaculating. I say my brain because my brain is just going by habits and thinks I am actually having sex (sounds weird right?). I’ve been watching explicit material for so long, my brain thinks it is real sex. It has no idea that it is just a cycle.

The routine gives a reward too, masturbating and watching is a pleasurable process that relieves loneliness. It’s entering a false world in which I am not alone and my imagination run wild. One doesn’t have sex on their own, even during masturbation. One is always imagining or watching someone else. In the middle of the routine, I sort of forget that I am alone in a dark room all by myself.

It’s becoming clear to see why I would become addicted to this. Unhealthy or not, watching explicit material solves loneliness and stress. However it is unhealthy and requires a healthy alternative or alternatives. Not only that, I need alternatives that fit the ideal time and the ideal environment highlighted by ‘the cues’ post. What could replace the temptation of perfect women on a screen? This is a dilemma that has been on my mind for years. It’s a journey of trying out new things to see what, if anything, can replace ejaculation as a form of stress relief and viewing explicit material as a form of resolving loneliness.

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Tuesday, 27 February 2018

Dusk and Dawn

Evenings
After waking up early and working all day, my guard is finally down in the evenings. It’s comfort time. It’s not just bedtime, but the whole evening from start to finish. Most relapses occur just before bed but sometimes it can occur throughout the evening. I’m vulnerable when I am tired and falling asleep. I’m also vulnerable when I am not doing the things I am supposed to do in the evening, usually down to procrastination. I conclude that evening urges come down to loneliness and habit. I am so used to doing the routine that it simply happens. Doing what I am supposed to do during evenings do put me in a happier mood, which makes it easier to deal with the urges.

Evenings used to be the hardest time to fight the urges, but not anymore. Because I now use the evenings as free time to improve myself or spend time with friends, as opposed to wasting time on the internet, it has been easier to deal with the evening. I also now write down what I plan on doing the next day, which gives me a sense that I need to sleep.

What I have discovered is relapsing in the evening makes a morning urge harder to fight. Relapsing in the morning, makes evening urges easier to resist.

Mornings
Get up and start the day. This always sounds easy to do but incredibly difficult to execute, for everyone not just myself. If I am hungover, I am more vulnerable to relapse. The effects of a hangover mixed with urges is a hard cocktail to swallow. Depression often follows suit once relapsed as I stay in bed all day.

Mornings are now harder than evenings. Evenings used to be harder because I was procrastinating and not doing anything productive. The problem with mornings is that I am so used to masturbating and watching explicit material as a method of waking up. Another problem is that I wake up in the perfect environment, all I need now is a phone or tablet. Waking up sluggish, realising how incredibly comfortable my bed is and how silly it would be to leave such a perfect place. Only to realise I have to get up to do stuff, but I cannot. This is when I usually get up and get my phone to start the relapse process. Afterwards getting up isn’t as hard as it was before.

What is so bizarre to me about morning urges is that morning duties shuts down urges. Duties such as getting up, using the toilet, brushing my teeth and washing my face. It’s that initial getting out of bed that is always hard. It’s hard for me and hard for the average person. Being so used to using explicit material as a stimulus for getting up has caused mornings to be a popular time to relapse.

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